Very few people read or follow this blog, and I have no intention of posting this message to Facebook, so I feel safe in posting this conversation here ...
I believe in my heart of hearts that some day this conversation will be very significant - one of those things you look back on and realize that God was planting seeds. Whether the story becomes significant in 3 years, 5 years or 20 years, God only knows ... but regardless, I want it captured, verbatim, until that day ...
Last night, May 12th, 2015, I tucked our firstborn in to bed. She had had a busy day and was exhausted. Chapel at school had been particularly moving (her words, not mine). Dance was busy and her little sister was trying her patience (intentionally) at dinner. Nevertheless, Kayleigh massaged my head as I read her a few pages in Anne of Green Gables. We let the words drift over us, simply enjoying the beauty with which Anne phrases all of her comments. We are early in the book, so there are lots of references to orphans/orphanages and children whose paths are marred by pain. Reading this brought to mind chapel today, which, incidentally, was also about orphans, adoption, foster care and children whose paths are marred by pain.
After we finished our reading, and sighed that deep sigh of girls who are too busy dreaming ... Kayleigh found her voice.
K: Mom, did you see the little girl who I brought home in my bag? Her name is Autumn. She's bigger than me and she doesn't have a home.
M: I did see her picture, and I read about her.
K: Can we keep her? Our house is plenty big enough, Maddie and I can share a bedroom, we wouldn't mind. We shouldn't each have our own room when she doesn't have any room.
M: (still struggling to find words)
K: (... allowing her thoughts to collect again, and with some tears in her voice) I wouldn't even really mind giving up my birthday so we could bring her home. I wouldn't be the firstborn anymore, and that would be hard, but I would do it because having a Mommy and a Daddy would be more important than being first ...
M: (Seriously, Jesus ... help me out here ... how do I do this ...) (with a giant kiss to the top of her head) Precious child, this is something Mommy and Daddy need to pray about, to talk about. We've always been open and interested in adoption but its a big calling and we would need God's help to make it all happen. Its so good to know that you would be open and welcoming to another sibling should we choose to adopt some day ...
K: (more wise long pauses as she thinks and lets it settle) Okay, so it probably won't happen because Daddy will say no.
M: (couldn't stifle the laugh out loud at her honest assessment of the moment) Why do you say that, sweetheart?
K: Well, because he wouldn't want another kid. Our house is wild enough already ...
.... And that is where I leave the conversation to sit. With a lighthearted chuckle after a seriously deep and selfless moment. If you're a praying friend, you can pray with us as we consider God's call to adoption. It's been stewing and brewing for a while in my heart - and the Lord is using moments (like this one, I believe) to bring the conversation to the surface. There are so many unknowns, so many potential heart aches, so many huge huge huge ($$$$) obstacles, but our faith is not one of limitations, its one of trust. God can do big things, but we must first dream big dreams and have the courage to follow Him as he puts one conquerable challenge at a time in front of us.