This week was an incredible one for so many reasons:
- On Saturday we thought our adoption journey was halted and God provided a generous loan through dear friends
- On Tuesday, our Benjamin turned 6 and was able to slip a big envelope in the mail that allowed him to keep his dream for a brother afloat
- By Thursday morning God had provided $6,105 towards our adoption process
God is good and oh so faithful.
In the early phases of this journey my wise, experienced, adoptive mom-friend-guide/sage (Maybe theres an acronym brewing there ... my WAMS ... hmmm, I'll work on that) mentioned that there would be trials and that Satan would attack. She also mentioned my faith would grow and deepen and strengthen as a result of this journey. She's always right, but oh how right she was ...
This morning as I work to process the power of God, demonstrated by His provision, I am reminded of a moment, a moment when I knew this path was coming our way.
It was July, 2015, our family was living at Maranatha, but we were still coming in to worship at Central on Sundays. It had been a crazy morning, the kind of Sunday where you can't believe you ever thought starting a family was a good idea: tantrums and fighting, obstinance and disobedience. The morning where you're mostly thankful that you can attend church to have 70 minutes of no one screaming at you. Steve and I were settled in, took a deep breath, and the first chords from the worship band began. It was Oceans. I hated when they played Oceans. Oceans was a song that always spoke to me, it always moved me and today, I didn't want to move. I wanted to remain unchanged. Regardless of my feelings on the matter, the still small voice began to chant ...
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the water where ever you would call me.
No, God, not today. I don't have the energy for international travel, a fundraising process, an emotionally laden experience, that in the end results in another precious darling who has complex needs and pain and trauma. No ...
Take me deeper than my feet would ever wander and my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.
- Stronger faith, deeper in love with the Savior, THAT sounds amazing, it really does ... But must it require the walk on water? Can't I just have the deeper faith without the scary water part? Peter walked on water and he sank. He fell. He began to drown. What if I sink? What if I lose sight of you, Jesus, and it becomes about me. Oh how (humiliating) humbling that would be ...
Your grace abounds in deepest waters. Your Sovereign hand will be guide. Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, you've never failed and you won't start now.
Sigh .... truth, real truth, and the voice of God is so convicting. I guess it is time ... time to begin searching for our son.
It seems utterly surreal to me that we are "this far" in this call. I rejoice in the way God is moving in our family, in all of our hearts in various ways. The Lord is most definitely showing us that His grace abounds in these deep waters.
I know we have so far to go, and there is still opportunity for us lose sight of our Savior, His purpose, and to sink beneath the waves. As prayer partners for us, would you pray that we keep our eyes fixed on Him. That we don't let our fear of the coming waves deter us. Pray that our hearts align with His will, and that we continuously seek His plan in this journey.
We thank you so much for coming alongside and around us in this venture.
Our love and thanks,
Steve, Kristi, Kayleigh, Benjamin, Madeleine, and Joshua