There isn't much to update today. We are waiting, again. But waiting in a really good space. Our DS260 is in, our paperwork will be walked over today (in fact it may already be there) to CCCWA where we will receive (Lord willing) our TA and travel dates. We hope this week we can book our flights and plan our trip.
As we wait, let me give you a little insight into me as a person ... it applies, I promise.
For those of you who are personally acquainted with the idiosyncrasies that make me me you know that I.love.a.plan. I have always loved a plan. Truly, from the first day of middle school into the days my children began school, my favorite days of the year were when we got a syllabus. I could meticulously plan when I'd draft, when I'd edit, what I needed to do in little tiny steps to accomplish the big goal of completing the semester without missing an assignment or feeling rushed. I'd plan the semester - the year, if could, and I'd feel intense satisfaction in knowing that my little planner (electronic or written, it didn't matter) would help me handle the mountain of work one day at a time. Truth be told, I'm still happiest when I work that way. I send my sweet, understanding mother a long email at the start of each month with the entire list of anticipated childcare needs for the next 30 days. I plan meals a month ahead for the family (seriously, name a day in March and I can tell you what's for dinner).
I am happiest when I have a plan.
Conversely, when things change, when control can't be achieved, planned, and calculated, when life doesn't go as planned (which, less face it is pretty stinkin' often), I kind of lose my stuff. I mean, blood pressure rises, panic sets in, the urge to run in a corner and hide overwhelms me.
Over the years I've learned how to cope, to adjust, but it never really stops the physical reactions I get to the unexpected, the unpredictable. I share these insights because it demonstrates the true, all surpassing power of God in my life this past year.
Here we sit... our agency telling Us travel is imminent. Telling us to plan for the first of March? The first of March??? I should be packing and I'm way behind on booking flights and getting childcare lined up! Who is taking Maddie to the gym??? Kayleigh to ballet? Will Ben's heart Ben broken when he misses his musical (yes, the answer to that is definitely yes)?
breathe... breathe... breathe.
*************************
This morning, during my quiet time, I pulled out my journal. For the first time in my life I have faithfully journaled (not every day, but pretty close to every day) for an entire year. So I was able to pull out my learnings from early February of last year. The beginning of God's plan for me was already taking shape. Even in those moments, when I had no idea what was ahead, He was preparing my heart.
"Teach me, God, to surrender control; give me a chance to do nothing but depend upon you for each next step. I crave a larger purpose, a calling, a clear target that gives us a mission beyond ourselves ... the deep knowledge that we're living into your calling and your mission for our lives."
I consider it nothing short of a miracle, a real blessing that this morning I cried out,
"God, help me to remain content. Remain content in knowing that it's okay to not know, that it's okay to live just for today. Just in this moment."
********************************
As we sit on the brink (after two weeks of knowing we would hear nothing) of the ability to plan and prepare (at least a little bit) again, I ask God to continually remind me to trust. So many more unknowns and unpredictable situations lie ahead... I pray that, a year from now, I'll look back again and realize how much further down the path of trust and obedience He has taken me.
*******************
Thanks for journeying with us, alongside us, in prayers and in giving. We thank God for all of you, for your love, your support and your sincerity as we took our leap into the flood waters of the Jordan River.
We know this is just the beginning.
God has given us a taste of how sweet it is to trust in Him.
We are just getting started.
Stay tuned, this week, we hope, for a gotcha day schedule.