Sigh when God gives me the same word through two different channels ... You would think I'd get a clue:
Be JOYFUL always. PRAY continually. GIVE THANKS in all circumstances... Even in May. Even amid the utter chaos. Even when you are bone deep tired, IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES. Truly, there's much to be thankful for right now... So.very.much.
Praying to God through writing ... Even when I totally mess up, He listens, He hears, He helps.
Thank you, Jesus, amen.
Oh today was exhilarating in the word of God. I felt called to cast .. Cast all my cares upon Him, so cast I did. My journal is splattered with small things and big things and CATACLYSMIC things... But it doesn't matter their size. They are in His capable, loving hands.
I'm cheating here in my goal reporting by posting two days in one. I had the time set aside and enjoyed my quiet reflection but neglected to create the post.
Day 10: reflected in the call of God in John to be the living embodiment of love. They will know we our Christians by our love... How far from that call do I live!
Day 11: I went back to the text and the Lord spoke to me about Hope through David's Psalms. I was just out to coffee with a friend discussing hope... I loved how this passage prompted me not to my hope in an outcome or a result but to deeply embed my hope in His Word. If that is done properly no matter the outcomes He will sustain us. Sustenance... I love that word to. It's not lavish living, it's not perfection, it's what we need to live. Oh that I would embed my hope inside your Word and receive the sustenance that comes from all you provide there.
This morning I was overwhelmed, full of the weighty pieces of life that wear on a Mommy. I needed to reflect on the blessings to slow myself down, to remember I am His and He is mine. So, today I colored, and reflected in the stillness. And while my mind pulled and pressed and begged to move on, I remained, still and quiet before the Lord.
I am thankful for His creativity, His direction, His provision, and His willingness to involve a flawed human being like me in His greater story.
It wasn't easy this week. I find my heart and mind wandering at times very quickly but I do find myself craving this practice.
In other words, my mad art skills today ... 😂
A reflective day of prayer, on the deck, in the sunshine ... A gift from God.
Today was not as focused as I would have liked. A two hour delay disrupted our morning plans. However, I was able to hear a focus from God today, one rich and succinct in its simplicity.
Rabbi, I want to see.
Yes, Lord.
Sometimes it's more of a words day. Thank you for this time, Father. Teach me to surrender my agenda in the same way John surrendered.
I know, from a blog perspective that's two in one day, but I was having issues yesterday with my mobile app so ... I just posted yesterday's today as well...
I'm struck afresh by God's faithfulness, no matter how I come to the text: weary, apprehensive, bored, lazy, He finds ways to speak to me. Each time I think He won't show up, He proves himself faithful and true.
Thank you, Lord, for the precious time you give to me. I'm sorry it took me far too long to dedicate a sacred time to you.
Let me listen for our whisper today - and ignore the shouts of ever present conformity.
Since work starts at 6:30 this morning today's wake up call was so early ...
But, again, God speaks if not in the way I expect.
I didn't choose a text today. Just a clear call to meditate and reflect on God's bigger purposes for us as a family. That calling to step out into the waves ...
Today was prayer for clarity, direction, purpose and unity.
You are good, God, Even when there's nothing good in me.
This morning I felt I didn't have space, this week is busy.
I got up anyway (at 5:15)
This morning I felt the text I had planned wouldn't speak to me.
I read it anyway.
God speaks in spite of my frailty, inspite of my humanity ... In fact, He uses my humanity, my frailty, the death that permeates my life as part of the power of His message.
Thank you, Father.
I've been working on arranging the space in my life in such a way as to promote time for reflection and time for growth. I'm feeling prompted to begin a journey into Biblical journaling ... A 30 day journey to see where God leads me when I give him space to speak.
Today began with Day 1: Psalm 51:1-6
I know my followers are few and far between, which is fine. That's not my purpose ... but I wonder if any of you have experience with journaling and could offer ways in which God spoke to you through this practice.
12, 150 minutes
How do you measure a summer ...
In bonfires, in Smo'res nights,
in night swims or snuggly movies.
How do you measure, measure a summer.
I'll spare you the attempt at a horrible re-construction of a truly great song. BUT be entirely sincere in saying that that's a lot of summer minutes. We averaged about 4.5 hours/day of children in the care of their teachers. We averaged about 6 days a week of attending Maranatha programming (some more, some less). When you do the math you wind up with a lot of contact minutes.
How were those minutes used ?? They were used to:
The end result ... there are pages and pages and pages of memories in our photo gallery that summarize the beauty of this summer (I honestly can't WAIT to make their summer canvas but I MUST finish Maddie's belated birthday book first) but no memory will be as dear to me as these two videos.
I debated posting these because a faith journey is so personal. And these are children - their faith journey will grow and it will change and I pray that it deepens, but it might not for a while.. But when I asked them if I could record their "testimony" for sharing, they were so eager. They wanted - to "tell the world" about who they know and what they've found.
So, thank you, teachers ... this year's teachers, last year's pre-K staff who laid an incredible foundation for them... and even the adventure staff and pool staff who helped build their trust and boost their confidence. All of you play a part in God's continuing work in our family's life. We truly can't thank you enough. Thank you for dedicating your summer to this season of love. You've made an eternal impact for those nearest and dearest to me.
Last night it was midnight as I drove through Grand Haven, headed south, completing a drive I have made countless times in the last 5 years. Maybe it was because it was so late (after a long week) or maybe it was because my nearly 7 year old was slumped over, out cold, exhausted from another unbelievable summer week, but I began to reflect on our summer. Each time I enter this space I end up breathless - overwhelmed - with a heart overflowing.
I know that we are fortunate - fortunate to have my generous parents who let us live in with them all summer. I know that we are blessed - blessed to have the opportunity to be "residents" at a place like Maranatha. I know that I am lucky - lucky to have so many choices for my littles to do and be engaged with at our fingertips. But the climbing wall, the zipline, the beach, the pool, the tennis courts, the mini golf, the playgrounds, the walking trails ... none of things come to mind each time I reflect.
Instead, I see the precise way my tiny toddler's golden ringlets fall across the expanse of pink rain jacket as she snuggles her tired head against Julie's shoulder. In that moment I'm reminded of all that relationship means to Maddie - of how she's learning from Julie to be joyful in every situation, of how she's learning that rules and discipline and structure have a place in life - of how she knows that even when she makes mistakes people will forgive, and restore a relationship and love you just as much (if not more) for your growth.
I see my little boy's face - the way it lights up with excitement - when he sees Jack, Zac, Noah and Caleb - how through them his big blue eyes take in REAL boys ... boys who love sports, who love SPEED, who love playing in the water and having fun. They embody all he wants to be someday - but they also take time to stop their play (EVERY.BLESSED.TIME) to accept his hugs, to hear his stories, to chase him around the grounds and who, in so doing, teach him how to show Jesus's love to small children - even if you're a "cool boy."
I see my oldest - my contemplative, calculated, firstborn child - with mouth wide, face purpled from lack of oxygen, singing with her soul wide and heart abandoned. She's eager to please her teachers - (all of them, but maybe one more than the rest) - and because she truly believes the words she's belting (more than a little off key), "Hand on my heart this much is true. There's no life apart from you. Lay me down, lay me down..." she sings with everything in her spirit. She's learning that knowing OF Jesus is different than KNOWING Jesus. She's watching the way her teachers live that life and modeling it as best her little body can.
These images - and so many more - permanently affix themselves to the soundtrack of our summer. They've ingrained themselves into my heart each time I drive US31. I see these - and thousands of others in my minds eye - and each time I praise God that we have this place. I'm thankful for the spiritual renewal we feel each summer. I'm thankful for refreshment the grounds provide ... but I'm also thankful for the legacy of faith grown here.
I pray that someday - some young Mom exhausted from the work-life balance of every day life is driving through Grand Haven thinking about the way that Miss Kayleigh taught the Bible lesson to her daughter. I hope that someday I see a preschool boy run and jump into Mr. Benjamin's arms for his daily hug - and I dream that someday there's a tiny infant in the nursery who sees my curly haired Miss Maddie and is comforted and soothed while her Mommy takes a breath, a quiet prayer walk and sips her coffee on the beach in solitude.
Thank you, God, for the blessing of a heart overflowing, for the legacy of Maranatha, and for the hope it gives me for our family as we navigate this world.
This summer has been an incredible journey already. We've spent most of it at our summer haven, Maranatha Bible and Missionary Conference in Norton Shores. We've also done a Science Sampler at Hope College Science Camp, "traveled" to two countries at Camp Witte Daycare, participated in Maranatha's FCA sponsored Tennis Camp, taken private tennis lessons with our friend, Andrew, gone camping for a long weekend at TriPonds Family Campground with our Compound Group, and visited the cottage for tubing and skiing lessons twice. We've completed 1/3 to 1/2 of each child's bucket list, blogged nearly every week AND finished half of their summer reading goals for the library. So, its been a busy summer. BUT nothing, really nothing, was better than tonight's conversations with my kids.
Let me set it up.
The kids work each week on a fresh song and bible memory verse at Maranatha. They also sing the summer theme song. So, these past 21 days have been filled with new music and new Scripture to encapsulate their new learning.
This week the kids stayed through Thursday morning, so they missed their Friday evening Tabernacle "performance." They were a little bummed, so I downloaded one of the songs and they did a private performance for me tonight in the living room. Their concert included many weeks combined and was filled with excited motions and lots of loud sing-song shouting :).
After their most recent song Kayleigh left me gasping for breath by articulating that she thought "Toby Mac's City on our Knees" song was important because it was a "call to action" for them. The kids could be the place where witnesses were born. They could be the "why not here" the song talked about (even adding MARANATHA after certain lyrics). She unpacked that the choices and lines the song talk about are the lines of faith. That you must believe in Jesus, confess him as your Savior and continue sharing that message wherever you go whether in church, school, China, or even at a campground.
While I was impressed with the depth of her understanding of the song, I am a bit used to Kayleigh learning and understanding spiritual truths. She's pretty perceptive and can discern well. She often has unique applications and insights that her Dad and I never considered. But tonight, it was Benjamin's turn to give me a sucker punch. At his request, he and Kayleigh sang me a very loud and rousing rendition of Bound for Glory as recorded by the Vertical Church Band.
I applauded and gave Ben accolades for singing so enthusiastically and with real conviction. He was not going to be put off so easily.
B: But Mom, you didn't ask me if I understood that song.
Mom: (thinking he really wouldn't/shouldn't as it really wasn't his song for the week, I threw him an "easy one"): It says death is not my ending, what does that mean?
B: Mom (with great annoyance), that's too easy. If you know Jesus you go to Heaven. So death isn't your ending.
Mom: (pause)
B: That's not what I wanted to explain. I get what the whole song means, MOM. It means that even though we live here, this is just our house. Its not our home. Because when we know Jesus, and have him as our Savior, our real HOME is heaven. This is just a house."
Mom: (speechless).
B: AND when it says, "Gone when Jesus calls my name, endless joy, endless praise all when Jesus calls my name." It means he's gonna say, "BENJAMIN someday and I get to be with Him and sing a lot, a lot, a lot." (grin the size of Texas because I bet he truly will sing all day, every day).
Can't deny he's got the Spirit inside of him.
Thank you, Lord for gripping his sweet and sensitive heart. And thank you friends at Maranatha for re-inforcing what we work on at home, school and church and for building and growing a love of Jesus each day at class. Thank you for helping both kids to articulate their faith in a way they couldn't do before - and for giving me these FANTASTIC songs to help follow up on all year long.
I hope you know what a treasure and a gift you are to this family - and to the lives you impact each day. I hope you see the changes that we see ... if not today, or now, someday when you go home.
Without a giant road trip on the agenda for THIS summer, I wanted to make sure the kids generated some ideas for summer fun. We typically have PLENTY to do with Maranatha and language tutoring and mom's work days away at Camp Witte. BUT, there are weekends when Daddy is home that are ripe for making memories.
Here's what my small people generated by way of their Summer Bucket List, 2015 edition. I hope that, by Labor Day, I have a photo to go with each child's wish.
K1. Go to the book store and buy a book
K2. Do the 4th of July parade on my scooter (at M)
K3. Go to a Chinese restaurant
K4. Talk to my teacher during the summer (with a precious photo of chinese speech bubbles and telephones).
K5. Play with balls with Benjamin
K6. Play with my siblings.
B1. Play tennis
B2. Ride a fast boat on the big lake
B3. Stay at Maranatha for 30 days
B4. Ride a water slide
B5. Play in a splash pad
B6. Go on a roller coaster
M1. See fireworks
M2. Go swimming in the lake with Mom
M3. Snuggle and read a book
M4. Sleep out under the stars with my family
M5. Write a book with Daddy
M6. Princess tea party with my family.
I love the simple things they want combined with some of the creative ideas they have. Can't wait to tackle your wishes, my fun small friends!
HUGS
I am the product of a public education (at least for most of my years. My years spent in private, Christian school were some of the worst I can recall).
My husband is a legacy child in Christian education. In fact, his whole childhood revolved around the existence of Christian schools - and the same could be said for his aunts and uncles and most of his cousins.
Steve and I experienced several clashes of worlds when we married, but only one was more challenging (maybe a post for a different time, if we ever really sort it out) than what do we do about school.
Our children, especially our big two, know the difference between public and private school. They understand it is our choice. They understand it means they will grow up without certain spoils as a result. They also understand why we made this choice (and no, its not because they can see Grandpa and Grandma daily ...)
All of that background gives this conversation so much weight:
(driving by Zeeland East High School)
Mom: So, Kayl and Benj would you want to go there someday?
Ben: YEAH that building is awesome! I want to play on those fields!!! It looks so awesome.
Kayl: (silent)
Mom: Kayl? Your thoughts?
Kayl: It's public, isn't it?
Mom: Yes, it is ...
Kayl: Then no, I don't want to go there, not ever.
Mom: (a little panicked as nothing is certain right now for Mandarin secondary, and I don't want her set on anything) Why not?
Kayl: I can't imagine learning and growing in a place where God isn't a part of every conversation. I can't imagine not praying each day or singing worship songs. I just don't think I could do it.
Mom: (sort of speechless, but testing her resolve) What if you had to choose? Christian education or Mandarin Immersion?
Kayl: (silence so long and deafening I thought she might have gotten sidetracked): I'd pick Mandarin because I have to live in China someday, but really, I'd prefer to have them both, together.
I can't say that I always buy into "every reason" the diehard Christian School supporters give for the existence of faith based schools - but I can tell you that I will live and die by Zeeland Christian. They practice what they preach. Their faith commitment isn't something to tack on the door, it's real; its evident, and its clearly making a difference in the hearts and minds of children.
I pray the faith enhancing opportunities Kayleigh has here can continue, somewhere ... in her preferred language of instruction ...
It's one of my new top 5 "bring to Jesus" requests ...
Very few people read or follow this blog, and I have no intention of posting this message to Facebook, so I feel safe in posting this conversation here ...
I believe in my heart of hearts that some day this conversation will be very significant - one of those things you look back on and realize that God was planting seeds. Whether the story becomes significant in 3 years, 5 years or 20 years, God only knows ... but regardless, I want it captured, verbatim, until that day ...
Last night, May 12th, 2015, I tucked our firstborn in to bed. She had had a busy day and was exhausted. Chapel at school had been particularly moving (her words, not mine). Dance was busy and her little sister was trying her patience (intentionally) at dinner. Nevertheless, Kayleigh massaged my head as I read her a few pages in Anne of Green Gables. We let the words drift over us, simply enjoying the beauty with which Anne phrases all of her comments. We are early in the book, so there are lots of references to orphans/orphanages and children whose paths are marred by pain. Reading this brought to mind chapel today, which, incidentally, was also about orphans, adoption, foster care and children whose paths are marred by pain.
After we finished our reading, and sighed that deep sigh of girls who are too busy dreaming ... Kayleigh found her voice.
K: Mom, did you see the little girl who I brought home in my bag? Her name is Autumn. She's bigger than me and she doesn't have a home.
M: I did see her picture, and I read about her.
K: Can we keep her? Our house is plenty big enough, Maddie and I can share a bedroom, we wouldn't mind. We shouldn't each have our own room when she doesn't have any room.
M: (still struggling to find words)
K: (... allowing her thoughts to collect again, and with some tears in her voice) I wouldn't even really mind giving up my birthday so we could bring her home. I wouldn't be the firstborn anymore, and that would be hard, but I would do it because having a Mommy and a Daddy would be more important than being first ...
M: (Seriously, Jesus ... help me out here ... how do I do this ...) (with a giant kiss to the top of her head) Precious child, this is something Mommy and Daddy need to pray about, to talk about. We've always been open and interested in adoption but its a big calling and we would need God's help to make it all happen. Its so good to know that you would be open and welcoming to another sibling should we choose to adopt some day ...
K: (more wise long pauses as she thinks and lets it settle) Okay, so it probably won't happen because Daddy will say no.
M: (couldn't stifle the laugh out loud at her honest assessment of the moment) Why do you say that, sweetheart?
K: Well, because he wouldn't want another kid. Our house is wild enough already ...
.... And that is where I leave the conversation to sit. With a lighthearted chuckle after a seriously deep and selfless moment. If you're a praying friend, you can pray with us as we consider God's call to adoption. It's been stewing and brewing for a while in my heart - and the Lord is using moments (like this one, I believe) to bring the conversation to the surface. There are so many unknowns, so many potential heart aches, so many huge huge huge ($$$$) obstacles, but our faith is not one of limitations, its one of trust. God can do big things, but we must first dream big dreams and have the courage to follow Him as he puts one conquerable challenge at a time in front of us.
Tonight at dinner the kids were in rare form.
Madeleine was spouting some incredible vocabulary. Benjamin was practicing counting backwards in Mandarin in one breath and singing us some Ocean song in Spanish in a second breath. And when the chaos was semi still, Kayleigh spoke up and said, "I know my whole verse. I can tell that to you." And on and on and on and on it went - a stream of syllables I couldn't make sense of, beautiful melodic tones that sounded like music ... and when she finally took a breath I asked where it was found. "Well, I can't translate it all for you but its 24: 1, 7 and 8 something, and it asks a question that says, 'Who is he??' Which seems kind of silly but that's what the words mean ... why would the Bible ask 'Who is He?' shouldn't it know?" And so I knew exactly where it was found and we had a great discussion ...
Kayleigh gladly recited her verse tonight and immediately after read it back in English so that she could share the moment with you. We've been teaching her to blog - and she asked if she had "made my Mommy blog" tonight ... With tears still in my voice I could confidently say, "Yes, sweetheart, yes you 'made the blog.'"
